February 20, 2007

The Dubas Bug is published weekly, normally on Tuesdays. To receive email notification when new material is posted, please send a message to readerservice@dubasbug.com. Our mailroom clerk, Abu bin Abu, will be happy to serve you!

Gunny Muldoon - Gimme’ that Ol’ Black Magic


Ask Kathy - Big Red Confusion


Lane’s Bait Shop - It’s the Language, Stupid!


 


The Dubas Bug Wants You!

Writers needed for humorous, satirical and serious commentary! Have you ever wanted to speak out on an issue, but didn’t have a forum? Now you do! Find the category you want under the
CONTACT US
button and send us a note!

 

 

Casey at the Bat

 

By Jali Ali-Achsenfree, Dubas Bug News

Washington Bureau

 

 

Excerpts of testimony of General George Casey before the Senate Armed Services Committee.

 

General Casey:  Gentleman, it is a pleasure to appear before you again to detail our highly detailed plan to reverse the rising tide of sectarian violence in Iraq.

 

Senator Levin:  It is a pleasure to have you here again, General.

 

Casey:  Sir, as you know I have long advocated that additional forces are needed in order to fully secure Baghdad.

 

Levin:  Ummm, General, not to quibble, but didn’t you appear before us in November, indicating that your ground commanders believed no additional troops were needed?

 

Casey:  That is correct senator.  However, as the officer in charge of operations in Iraq for the past three years, I have often pondered that additional troops might enable us to more secure the security of our secure areas.

 

Levin:  When did this pondering occur, General?  I mean you’ve been there for three years and gave that testimony that more troops were not needed just three months ago.

 

Casey:  I have always pondered that not having more troops might not lead to the negative affect that we are not trying to allow to occur, as that will not enable us to draw down the number of troops we do not need in Iraq.

 

Levin:  Ummmm, OK, can you please address the President’s new plan to place five more combat brigades into Baghdad and Al-Anbar province.

 

Casey:  Mr. Chairman, I’m convinced that without the two additional combat brigades we will be unable to attain our security objectives.

 

Levin:  You mean five.

 

Casey:  Pardon?

 

Levin:  You are asking for five additional brigades, not two, correct?

 

Casey:  That is correct, Mr. Chairman, we are asking for five.

 

Levin:  Please continue.

 

Casey:  The two brigades will deploy to Baghda…

 

Levin:  Hold it…, you just said two again.

 

Casey:  Yessir, we need two brigades to accomplish this mission.

 

Levin:  But you are asking for five!?

 

Casey:  Sir, the President, as commander in chief has determined that five brigades are required to accomplish the mission and so that is what we are requesting from Congress.

 

Levin:  I’m confused.  Do you need two or do you need five brigades?  You understand there is a huge difference in cost and impact on our ability to conduct other operations between requesting five versus two?

 

Casey:   I need two brigades to accomplish this mission, sir.

 

Levin:  But because an Air National Guard washout says the number is five…?

 

Casey:  That means the mission cannot possibly be accomplished without those five, Senator.  Yes, you are correct.

 

Levin:  And your ground commanders still say…?

 

Casey:  They do not need more troops to accomplish the mission, Senator.

 

Levin:  General, I have increasingly grave concerns about your nomination to be the next commander of all US Army forces, but before I reach my final conclusion, let me ask you one final question.   How many fingers am I holding up?  [raises two fingers].

 

Casey:  Five, Mr. Chairman.

 

Levin:  That’s what I was afraid of.  No further questions. 

 

 

 

 

Damn!  Don’t you Just Love that VA Security?

 

By Ray Lane Aldrich

 

 

Say, did you hear the one about VA security?  Yeah, they’ve really been tightening it up since last year.  Why it wasn’t ‘til nearly the end of January this year that the loss of more veterans’ info was reported.  Just think what it might have been like if they hadn’t been so diligent in tightening and training.

 

Now, the way I read it, it was down in Alabama and a portable hard drive was “reported” lost.  The first question that comes to my mind – beyond whose data and how much? – was when was it “really” lost?  The account I read was very explicit in noting that the data was “reported” lost on January 22nd.  Call me suspicious.  January 22nd was a Monday; the beginning of a traditional workweek.  So, if the loss of the hard drive was reported on Monday, when was it really lost?  The article I read didn’t say.

 

You have to give the VA credit, the news got out a lot faster than the first time.  They may not have learned much about security, but damn! their damage control has certainly improved.

 

VA Secretary Nicholson was really upset!  Not upset enough to resign because of the shame of his poor performance, of course.  Just really upset.

 

Obviously the example of the Federal lawyer with the big mouth wasn’t enough to influence Secretary Nicholson to believe that his resignation might be appropriate.  So, Nicholson stays, at least for the moment.  Does that mean that the VA will continue to loose veterans’ information?  Does it mean the FBI will pop up and testify that they don’t “think” any personal information was compromised?  So, no big deal?  It’s not as if some credit card company got careless and lost the personal information on thousands of citizens.  It was, after all, just veterans.